Summary: Sometimes you can be in the middle of an historic event and completely miss the significance.
Style: Humour Duration : 12min
Actors: 3F, 5M
Characters
Dinah: young woman, flaky and vain
Innkeeper: middle aged man
Joseph:
Mary:
Shepherd 1 and 2:
Midwife: older woman than Dinah
Script
ACT I
Scene 1 (Inn. A table stands in the centre. A large bag stands in the corner. Innkeeper and receptionist (Dinah) enter.)
INNKEEPER: ....just a few days, Dinah. You sure you can handle this?
DINAH: How rude. Where’s your faith in me?
INNKEEPER: I lost it after the Pharisee incident.
DINAH: How was that my fault? Was I to know that Hebrews don’t eat pork?
INNKEEPER: You’re a Hebrew!! (Innkeeper sighs while picking up a sack from in the right corner.)Look! We already booked up cause of the census. So when anyone comes ,what do we say?
DINAH: No vacancies.
INNKEEPER: Good.
DINAH: See. Relax.It’ll be fine.
INNKEEPER: Uh huh, (walks to door ,stops looks up to sky worried.) Please Lord.. Please don’t let her burn it down.
(Walks out. Dinah watches him go, then dashes to the table. sits puts up a "No Vacancy" sign,starts looking behind the table.)
DINAH: (singing as she rummages) Big date tomorrow with a handsome stud. Where is that? Ah~! (Takes out a hair magazine, props her feet up and reads.) Decisions, decisions.
(JOSEPH enters from stage right, helping a very pregnant and uncomfortable MARY. Dinah doesn’t notice them. Joseph sets Mary to sit in the right corner and goes to the desk.)
JOSEPH: Uh... Pardon me...
(Dinah doesn’t look but points to the "No Vacancy "sign.Joseph looks and then looks at Mary who shrugs.)
(JOSEPH pulls down the magazine gently. Dinah glares)
JOSEPH: Uh...Sorry to bother you maám but....
DINAH: How rude....Clearly someone has literacy issues. Lemme help. It says.. (takes up sign, reads slowly as if talking to an idiot) NO VACANCY. You can’t get in! Comprende?
JOSEPH: (irritated) I can see that. But I was hoping you’d make an exception.
DINAH: (amused) An exception he says. Indulge me, your Majesty. Why would I do that?
JOSEPH: My name is Joseph. My wife and I have travelled all the way from Nazareth.... (Dinah scoffs at hearing Nazareth) .....and we cant find anywhere to stay.
DINAH: Really? Don’t care.
(Goes back to reading, Joseph interrupts her again.)
JOSEPH: As you can see. She’s pretty soon due.
(Dinah looks over at Mary. waves fingers. Mary does it back)
DINAH: (to Joseph) Uh... yeah.... She is, isn’t she.
JOSEPH: So I was hoping you could find it in your heart to give us something... anything. We’ve tried everywhere else.
DINAH: (sighs). Fine. (Thinks) Well... I guess you could use out back. We sold off the animals so it should be clean enough.
JOSEPH: (looks at Mary who reluctantly nods) Thank you.
DINAH: Go down the hallway and through the back door.
JOSEPH: Thank you.
(Turns to go to Mary. Dinah resumes reading, then looks up from magazine.)
DINAH: Wait! (Joseph stops and looks back.) Before you go. Important query.
JOSEPH: Um yes...
DINAH: (holds up magazine) Which do you prefer. The Cleopatra Drop, or....(flips pages) The Esther Twist....
JOSEPH: Do I have to do this?
DINAH: Do you want the room?
JOSEPH: The Cleopatra I guess.
(Dinah looks at Joseph, then the book, then at Joseph again.)
DINAH: The Esther it is. Goodbye.
(Joseph takes up Mary and takes her off stage left. Dinah sits but shouts behind them)
DINAH: Breakfast at sunrise. No guests... and if the baby comes....... use the manger. Now ... (looks at her hands)
Nails
SCENE 2
(LIGHTS DIM. Dinah is again at the table, feet are on the table, painting her nails.)
DINAH: (singing) I feel pretty, Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and lovely today. And and I pity any girl , that isn’t me todayyyy.
(Voices are heard, Joseph walks on from stage with a woman (MIDWIFE), she is wiping her hands off with a towel. Dinah barely acknowledges them.)
JOSEPH: Thank you again for coming so quickly, maám.
MIDWIFE: (Irish accent) No a bother son. No bother at all.
JOSEPH: So everything thing is ok, right?
MIDWIFE: Healthy mother, lovely son. So relax. Some rest and A spot o’ raspberry leaf tea is all she needs.
JOSEPH: (looks at Dinah) Excuse me but could you get me some water for my...
DINAH: How rude!! Can’t you see me doing something.
(Shows her nails. Joseph and Midwife stare, Dinah goes back to painting nails.)
JOSEPH: (to Midwife) I’ll get it myself.
MIDWIFE: Well. ok son. (Turns to walk out, stops and looks back.) One thing. I been midwifing for 20 years and I’ve never seen a baby like Him. Something different about your Son. Something Special.
JOSEPH: Thank you , but...... I’m not His father.
(At hearing this, Dinah starts listening with interest.)
MIDWIFE: Oh..... I see.... You know. You could talk to her family about this and....
JOSEPH: It’s God.
MIDWIFE: W-What
JOSEPH: See when we were betrothed she got a visit from an angel who told her she’d bear God’s Son and He would save his people from our sins.
MIDWIFE: And you believed this....
JOSEPH: Not at first. I was going to end the marriage but then the angel came to me and verified it all and... well... here we are.
(Dinah and the Midwife stare at Joseph, then at each other.)
MIDWIFE: I’ll see myself out.
JOSEPH: Goodbye, thanks again.
(Midwife walks quickly, then runs off stage right. Joseph doesn’t notice this but walks off stage left. He looks up to the sky.)
JOSEPH: Praise the Lord.
(Dinah watches him go and then resumes painting her nails.)
DINAH: Most the nuts aren’t in the tree, Ma always said.
PART 3
(Lights are dimmed.Dinah is lounging with a towel over her face. Soon the music of "Hallelujah" is played, she startles and drops the towel, showing us shes wearing a face mask with cucumbers on her eyes. Dinah looks around angrily.)
DINAH: What....
VOICE OFF SCREEN: Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
DINAH: (looking around) Another political meeting???
VOICE OFF SCREEN: For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.
DINAH: (marches over to stage right, opens a window) Excuse me! Some people are trying to ex-foliate.
VOICE OFF SCREEN: And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes.
DINAH: (grumbles and walks back over to her table) Stupid politicians. That’s why I ain’t voting.
(Music resumes. Dinah wraps the towel around her head harder to block out the noise. Lights dim and resume a little later. Dinah is in the same position. Shepherds 1 and 2 rush in.
SHEPHERD 1: This has to be it!
SHEPHERD 2: You sure?
SHEPHERD 1: Has to be. We looked everywhere else. (Looks over and sees a sleeping Dinah.) I’ll ask her.
(Shepherd 1 and 2 walk over and tap her.)
SHEPHERD 1: Excuse me.
(DINAH jumps up and we see her face mask, the shepherds are scared by masks and scream, which in turn scares Dinah who screams as well. We have a brief screaming match, til Dinah stops.
DINAH: (brandishing item) Who... who are you! what do you want!
SHEPHERD 1: We’re Jacob and Reuben. Shepherds.
DINAH: (inhales and the covers nose.) Definitely. What do you want?.
SHEPHERD 2: We’ve come to find the Messiah.’
DINAH: The what?
SHEPHERD 2: The Messiah! You know the Son of God? (Dinah looks confused.) Saviour of all people?
DINAH: Look, who told you this "Messiah" was here?
SHEPHERD 1: The angels.
DINAH: Angels...
SHEPHERD 1: Didn’t you hear all that singing?
DINAH: From the political meeting.. Look, whatever. (Looks around the room.) DO you see any Messiah’s around here?
SHEPHERD 1: They said we find him wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. Any babies around here?
DINAH: (rolls eyes) Listen... the only baby around here is that one in the stable but come on... He’s from Nazareth!
SHEPHERD 1: For truth. Can we see him. We must! (Goes to grab her, Dinah steps back, holding nose.)
DINAH: Go! Right out the back! Don’t brush the walls!
SHEPHERD 1: Oh thank you! Glory to God!
SHEPHERD 2: Praise be to Him in the highest.
(Shepherds rush off stage right.)
DINAH: I hope He preaches to them about soap. (Goes back to sleep.)
FINAL SCENE
(Joseph, Mary and Innkeeper walk on from stage right, Mary is holding a baby Jesus.)
INNKEEPER: Again, I’m sorry about the accomodations.
JOSEPH: No need to sir. We made best as we could.
INNKEEPER: Well I hope everything goes well for you , your wife and little....
MARY: Jesus.
INNKEEPER: Ahh Such a wonderful name. I may not be a prophet but I see great things in His future
MARY AND JOSEPH: Oh we know. (Begin to walk off stage right.)
INNKEEPER: Well travel safely. Now... (looks around room.) Everything intact..... No signs of fire. wow she’s improving....
(Dinah marches in furious. She is dressed beautifully.)
DINAH: Men. (Starts pacing.)
INNKEEPER: How’d it go?
DINAH: Just dandy. 3 days to get ready, only to get stood up.I mean. How can you stand up this (shows off herself.)
INNKEEPER: Hmmmm- hmmm...... regarding my business. Anything happened?
DINAH: Oh, that? No. Dead as a cemetery. I’ll be out back. Burning some letters.
INNKEEPER: Really ?Nothing at all?
DINAH: (walks off stage left) You hear me? Nothing happened at all.
CURTAINS CLOSE ON INNKEEPER
VOICE OVER: What’s distracting you from seeing Jesus?
.................
© Brian Alleyne, all rights reserved. This script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: