The Kitchen Hand

By Michelle Pitman

Summary

When the kitchenhand went on strike - because the director would not buy a bottle of detergent - the whole movie project ground to a halt.

Scripture

Romans 12:1-8 ‘One body, many members’

Cast

Narrator
Director
Sundry assistants fussing over him. (optional)
Len the Assistant.

Script

DIRECTOR:  READY?  O.K. People.  Scene 25 Take 44 ACT....
ASSISTANT: Ah! Sir!
DIRECTOR:  WHAT NOW?
ASSISTANT:  The kitchen hand is on strike!
DIRECTOR:  WHAT FOR?
ASSISTANT:  Ah! He says we don’t buy good quality detergent!
DIRECTOR:  WHAT DOES HE THINK - ARE WE MADE OF MONEY?
ASSISTANT:   Aah! 400 Million Sir!
DIRECTOR:  Then why the blue doesn’t someone else wash the dishes?
ASSISTANT:  They all have their OWN jobs to do Sir!
DIRECTOR:  O.K.! So the dishes can wait.  READY?  SCENE....
ASSISTANT:  Aah! Sir!
DIRECTOR:  WHAT IS IT NOW?
ASSISTANT:  You said that yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and...
DIRECTOR:  GET TO THE POINT WILSON!
ASSISTANT:  The names’ Len Sir.  It means that we’ve run out of dishes and....and...
DIRECTOR:  And?
ASSISTANT:  Lunch has been cancelled today Sir.
DIRECTOR:  WHAT!  WHERE ARE THE COOKS?
ASSISTANT:  Aah!  They’re on strike....
DIRECTOR:  WHAT FOR?
ASSISTANT:  They won’t cook without clean dishes!
DIRECTOR:  THEN GET THEM SOME!
ASSISTANT:  I...er…can’t Sir.
DIRECTOR:  Why?
ASSISTANT:  The Kitchen hand is on strike!
DIRECTOR:  Then go out and buy more dishes!
ASSISTANT:  I can’t Sir!  The Petty Cash Officer is on Strike!
DIRECTOR:  Why?
ASSISTANT:  She says she won’t do any more receipts until she gets some food in her belly.  She’s suffers from low blood sugar Sir, and gets lightheaded then feels all dizzy and disorientated and.......
DIRECTOR:  THEN GET HER SOME FOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
ASSISTANT:   I can’t Sir... The Cooks are on strike!
DIRECTOR:  Then get the guy on camera one to shout her a meal!
ASSISTANT: Aahh!  He’s on strike too Sir....
DIRECTOR:  AAAAGGGHHH!  I don’t know if I want to hear this!
ASSISTANT:  He spent all his own money buying rolls of film this morning and hasn’t been reimbursed by the Petty Cash Officer.  He’s also hungry!
DIRECTOR:   And the lead actor won’t help I suppose...
ASSISTANT:  Well!  He’s on strike too. You see, he loaned his coat to the girl on camera two who then loaned it to the guy on camera one in exchange for a role of film.  He’s given it to the Gaffer who can’t get it dry cleaned until the dry cleaners are paid by the Accounts department and they’re on strike because they haven’t received any receipts from the Petty Cash Officer and..... well.... you know about her...
DIRECTOR:  How did all this start?  WHAT DID I DO WRONG?  WINSLOW....
ASSISTANT:  It’s Len. Sir!
DIRECTOR:  Look!  I need you to fix this.  If things go on like this I’ll never get this picture made!  DO SOMETHING LON!  I NEEEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING!
ASSISTANT:  Yes Sir!   Aah!  Could I borrow $5.00 dollars for some Morning Fresh Ultra please Sir!
DIRECTOR:  (Groans as he reaches for his wallet.)
ASSISTANT:  Oh!  And Sir!  I’ll tell the Kitchen hand how much you really appreciate him.
(all freeze.)

....................................................................................
© Michelle Pitman 1998, all rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any
entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what
purpose the play is performed. She may be contacted at: michelle_pitman@hotmail.com