By Christin Kuck
Ralph Lindstrum works too hard. It takes the unique outlook of the cleaning woman to help him get his priorities straight. Theme: Ignoring the things in life that are the most important. Good Father's Day Sketch.
Ralph Lindstrum: Overworked, middle aged accountant
Aggie Brown: Cleaning woman in mid-sixties.
(Scene opens with Ralph at the office. The office is empty and it’s near sundown on a Sunday evening. He is on his cellular phone arguing with his wife. His desk is littered with papers and books.)
Ralph: Linda, we’ve been over this before! The McPherson project is due tomorrow. No, I can’t finish this in the morning! You don’t understand. Of course I care about you and the kids. Who do you think I’m doing this for? Well that was a childish thing to say!... She hung up on me!
Aggie enters stage fighting with a vacuum cleaner. Aggie stretches, turns and screams, wielding feather deaster like a weapon. Aggie’s surprise scares Ralph.
Aggie: Oh, Mr. Lindstrum. You scared me to death. I didn’t expect anyone to be here.
Ralph: Mrs. Brown. I could say the same. Since when did you start working on Sundays?
Aggie: (Lowers feather duster) Oh, well Monday is my usual cleaning day, but Mr. Brown and I will be celebrating 40 years tomorrow. Seems like yesterday I was walking down the aisle. Ah, my Henry was quite a rascal in his day. Still is.
Ralph: Mmmm. (Goes back to work)
Aggie: You been here all day?
Ralph: Hmmm? Oh.... yes. All day.
Aggie: (starts dusting desk. Picks up picture frame) These are your children. Your boy has your eyes.
Ralph: (Sighs heavily taking frame from Aggie) Mrs. Brown, if you don’t mind, I have a really important project due tomorrow.
Aggie: (Leans forward cupping ear) Eh?
Ralph: I said I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT PROJECT DUE TOMORROW.
Aggie: Oh, I understand. Don’t mind me. I’ll just clean the office. (Continues dusting desk, including Ralph’s head)
Ralph goes back to work.
Aggie: Mr. Lindstrum, isn’t today Father’s Day?
Ralph: (sighs heavily again and stares at Aggie)
Aggie: Well it’s just that... shouldn’t you be home with your family?
Ralph: My family. Yes. But, I didn’t get this far in my career by slacking off.
Aggie: Eh? (Cupping ear)
Ralph: I’VE GOT TO FINISH THIS REPORT.
Aggie: Oh yes, yes. Hmmm.
Ralph goes back to work.
Aggie: Mr. Brown and I never had children. Oh, we never complained. We just figured it was the good Lord’s plan. But if we ever did have children, I would think it'd be a shame to pass up one single moment with them.
Ralph: Mrs. Brown, you must be related to my wife. You both know the best road to a good guilt trip.
Aggie: Well, not that it’s any of my business.
Ralph: No. It’s not.
Aggie: It’s just that a man should stop and smell the roses once in a while.
Ralph throws his hands up in the air in frustration
Aggie: He never knows what he might miss along the way.
Ralph: It’s certainly not the cleaning woman.
Aggie: Enjoy each day as if it were your first... and your last! That’s what my Henry always says. (Pulls rag from pocket. Spits on rag and cleans imaginary spot on window.) Did you ever notice you can see Lake Michigan from this window?
Ralph: (Raises head, stares at Aggie and gives a long sigh. Tosses hands in the air in surrender.) I had no idea. (Rises from chair) My family had a cabin on the lake when I was a kid (moves next to Aggie.) We vacationed there two weeks every summer. My dad and I would fish from sun up to sun down. (Long pause) Seems like I never get down to the lake anymore.
Aggie: You have to lean just so to see it, but there it is. This time of day, the sun is setting on the water. It’s beautiful.
Ralph: What do you know! Isn’t that something. I’ve been in this same office...what five, six years? I never noticed.
Aggie: Oh, and look. The pigeons are back. They build a nest in that same spot every year.
Ralph: Well, I’ll be. And, you can even see the chicks. My daughter would get a real kick out of that.
Aggie: Ahh, more likely your boy, Jason.
Ralph: Jason? How do you know-
Aggie: Mrs. Lindstrum brought the children in last Monday. You were in a meeting. Jason and I had quite a conversation. He told me he wants to be a veterinarian when he grows up. But then, I’m sure you knew that.
Ralph: Yes. Of course. A veterinarian...
Aggie: Guess I’d better finish up the other offices. See you later Mr. Lindstrum. (Exits stage)
Ralph: Sure Mrs. Brown. Uh... And, Happy Anniversary. (Leans back, looks at the lake one more time) I’ll be. (Pulls cellular phone from belt and dials) Hi, Honey. Um. Look. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. No, I’m not finished with the report, but I’m coming home anyway. And honey, the kids are still awake, aren’t they?
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© Christin J. Kuck - 1999. All rights reserved. This script may not be altered without permission from the copyright holder. This script may be freely copied and distributed, providing it is done so in its entirety. This copyright notice and the performance license information must be reproduced on all copies of the script.
PERFORMANCE LICENSE
No performance is permitted unless a copy of the script is licensed to at least one member of the cast OR licensed to the drama group, theatre company or organization performing the sketch. License can be obtained by forwarding a check made out to Christin Kuck in the amount of $5.00 US to 13341 86th Avenue, Seminole, FL 33776. An original licensed hard copy will be mailed upon receipt of check. Christin Kuck can be reached by email at anonadrama@hotmail.com