By Daniel & Christin Kuck
Sometimes when God gives us a blessing, we come to expect the blessing all the time, and then forget who gave it to us.
Coffee can, clip board, legal-size paper to resemble "notice of eviction", packages, long rope, cap, remote control, suitcase
Narrator: A short time ago in a place not so far away... in fact it was right down the street, there was a poor, poor, not so rich man living with his wife and 72 children.
Husband: 72?!?
Narrator: Um... 2 children... and a schnauzer?
Husband: I'm allergic.
Narrator: A snail?
Husband: ?
Narrator: (quickly before the man can interrupt) 1 wife, 2 children, and a Goldfish. One day, a messenger came to the door.
Messenger: Hello! Anyone there?
Husband: Who are you?
Messenger: (hands eviction notice to Man) Thank you for using Bad News Incorporated to send your bad news. (Tips cap)
Wife: What is it, Honey?
Husband: Um... Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, notify you, Blah blah, eviction, blah blah bla- (his eyes widen. He searches back over the paper). (Read very deliberately)"This is to notify you of your impending eviction if rent is not paid by tomorrow morning at dawn."
Wife: Gasp! What are we to do?!
Husband: Have a cup of coffee?
Wife: No! We haven't had money for coffee in weeks! Besides, it's time to fall on our knees, confess our sins, and beg the Good Lord for mercy.
Husband: No COFFEE?!
Narrator: So, with that, the man, his wife, and the goldfish fell to their knees (man and wife fall to knees) and cried out to God that he might supply their most essential needs.
(Wife rises and exits stage)
Husband: I guess it couldn't hurt to check and make sure there's no coffee...
Narrator: And so it came to pass that the Man went to the coffee can. Just to check, 'cause it wouldn't hurt.
Husband: (Opens coffee can. His face lights up) Gracious me!
Narrator: He said.
Husband: Money! (Sings) Money money money money....
(Enter wife)
Wife: Have you lost your last marbles?!
Husband: Look Dear! Money! Lots of it! Or.. Enough.
Wife: (Looks in coffee can. Her face lights up) Gracious me!
Husband: My sentiments exactly!
Narrator: So it was that the family fell to their knees to thank God for giving them enough money to pay the rent and buy food. They even gave ten percent of their blessing to church that Sunday!
Narrator: A week later the man was on his knees praying...
Husband: Lord... Thank you so very much for the money to pay the rent... As you know, it's my anniversary coming up... and I was thinking... humbly... Lord... That maybe... possibly... might be that you could give me a little money to take the little woman out for dinner at the Olive Garden.... Um.. Amen and Amen.
Narrator: Then the Man went to bed to give God plenty of time to put the money in the coffee can. When he woke up, he ran to the can... (Man runs off stage with his legs crossed) no... I mean the coffee can.. (Man runs back embarrassed) and thanked God when he found fifty dollars.
Husband: Thanks, God. (Stares at the can a moment. Moves it to a different part of stage)
Narrator: The Man and his wife had a great time at the Olive Garden and even bought one of those neat CD's of Italian music, which by the way is available after the service for only $9.99! The next Sunday the Man gave a whole five percent to the church. The man then prayed again.
Husband: Dear Lord, er, you know my kid's birthday is coming up and he really wants that little furry thing, you know, that toy every kid in the world has been asking for... A Furbie... Please Lord, I don't want to disappoint my kid.
Narrator: And it came to pass that the man went immediately to the coffee can and found the money to buy his kid a birthday present. And that Sunday when the offering plate was passed around, the man threw in three buttons, an arcade token, and an Italian CD from the Olive Garden, which by the way is available after the service for only $9.99! Now the man began to consider the coffee can.
Husband: Honey?
Narrator: The man said.
Wife: Yes Dear?
Husband: Don't you wonder about the coffee can, I mean. Doesn't it seem strange to you that I keep asking for money and it just keeps showing up.
Wife: I think God is trying to teach us something, like how to be good stewards of our money. Or possibly something about the dangers of riches.
Husband: (Thinks a minute) Nah!
Narrator: So the man decided to test the mighty coffee can, to see just exactly what he could get from it.
Husband: Ya know, Can, I could really use a new set of golf clubs, because you know my set is real old, and I can't hit those long drives like my friends can.
Narrator: And it came to pass that the man went to the coffee can and discovered enough money to buy a set of Jack Nicholson silver plated golf clubs. And that Sunday he bought a round of drinks for his friends at the golf course. The man came home after his golf game and paused before the can.
Husband: Hmm... (Rubbing chin) What else could this can give me?
Narrator: The man pulled up a seat next to the coffee can and turned on the television. The Shop-O-Rama Channel was having a special on food processors.
Husband: They were?
Narrator: Yes they were.
Husband: Oooo.... (Looks at the coffee can. Kisses the coffee can. Picks up the phone and dials) Hello, Shop-O-Rama? Yes, I'd like to buy Item 7498302938304931 and a half. Yes, the food processor. Thank you.
(Ding dong)
Husband: (Answers the door)
Messenger: Did you order the food processor from Shop-O-Rama?
Husband: Hey, aren't you the messenger for Bad News Incorporated?
Messenger: I'm moonlighting. Do you want this?
Husband: Yeah, let me get the money. (Goes to the can and gets the money) Oh Mighty Coffee Can, thank you for your generosity. (Hands money to Messenger)
Messenger: Thanks, and you have a good day.
Narrator: The man began to watch the Shop-O-Rama channel round the clock. He even made sure to set up Shop-O-Rama on speed dial.
Husband: (To phone) Hello? Hi Marge, may I have item 23525? (Hangs up. Picks up again.) Hey Jane, gimme item 4245242. (Almost hangs up.) Wait. Can I have item 4, as well? Thanks Jane. Buh bye.
Messenger: (Ding Dong) Here's your delivery, sir. One lamp in the shape of a mermaid, one set of Jimmy Buffet CD's complete with Margarita Mix and a lost shaker of salt, and a genuine artificial Sherlock Holmes trench coat. That's cash on delivery.
Husband: Just a second, Bob. (Goes to the coffee can pulls out coin) And here's a tip for you, my good man.
Messenger: (Sarcastic) Oh thank you sir, you are.... too kind.
Narrator: The man thanked his Marvelous Provider, the Coffee Can, and kept on ordering more and more things. And the money showed up. But the man found that owning all these things was not what it was made out to be.
Wife: (enters stage with suitcase) I’m leaving you.
Husband: (pulls phone away from ear) Shhhhhh. I’m on the phone. (To telephone) what do you mean my food processor has no warranty!
Wife: I’m taking the children
Husband: (to phone) I paid good money for this!
Wife: And the goldfish! (Leaves stage)
Husband: And my trench coat shrunk! And I can’t stand Jimmie Buffet! Well! I never! (Slams down phone)
Narrator: The man became discouraged with Shop-O-Rama and one day went so far as to change the channel. He was soon engrossed in a documentary.
Husband: Wow....
Narrator: The man made a decision. He was finished with buying petty stuff. And since he had so much extra room in his house, he knew exactly what he wanted.
Husband: (Bows down in front of the coffee can aiming his big bottom at the crowd) Oh Awesome Coffee Can of Mysterious Monetary Graciousness. Thank you for your generosity in all that you have given me. Now, I ask only for one more thing. Might you by the power of your Caffeine Rich Potency, grant me but this humble wish. Give me... An endangered, pure-bread, American, prairie Buffalo! (Caresses the coffee can of mystery)
Messenger: (Ding Dong)
Husband: (Answers the door) Hey Bob!
Messenger: (holding rope from off-stage) Here's the endangered, pure-bred, American, prairie buffalo you ordered, sir. Sign here please.
Husband: Cool. Thanks Bob.
Messenger: (Changes Caps)And here's a message from your landlord.
Husband: Bad News, Incorporated?
Messenger: At your service.
Husband: (Makes his way to center stage) yaddi yaddi yaddi yaddi... learned of your recent adoption of a Pure Bred American Prairie Buffalo.. Yaddi yaddi yaddi yaddi... no pets allowed.... yaddi yaddi... (Long pause) Eviction notice? (Looks out over audience)
(Lights out)
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© Daniel J and Christin J. Kuck - 1999. All rights reserved. This script may not be altered without permission from the copyright holder. This script may be freely copied and distributed, providing it is done so in its entirety. This copyright notice and the performance license information must be reproduced on all copies of the script.
PERFORMANCE LICENSE
No performance is permitted unless a copy of the script is licensed to at least one member of the cast OR licensed to the drama group, theatre company or organization performing the sketch. Lincense can be obtained by forwarding a check made out to Christin Kuck in the amount of $5.00 US to 13341 86th Avenue, Seminole, FL 33776. An original licensed hard copy will be mailed upon receipt of check. Christin Kuck can be reached by email at anonadrama@hotmail.com