Conspiracy Theory

By Glenn A. Hascall

Summary

A wife accidentally breaks her husbands toe in a nasty bowling incident, but instead of apologizing she finds ways to convince herself that it really wasn't her fault.

Characters

Husband
Wife

Props

Crutches, a wrapped foot, other props as desired.

Script

MAN: (Hobbles on stage on crutches and trips just a bit - winces) Owwww.

WOMAN: (Testy) Look, I already said I was sorry.

MAN: I know, Honey, and I wouldn't have said anything but I stubbed my toe.

WOMAN: Look, I didn't know that a bowling ball was that heavy.

MAN: (Attempts a joke) Well, next time I'll ask for the shoes with a steel toe (Chuckles).

WOMAN: (Holds a handkerchief to her nose) You must think it's all my fault.

MAN: No, Honey, it's alright anyone could have… (Pause) Well, maybe not anyone… (Pause) I'm certain someone out there has dropped a bowling ball on their husband's foot.

WOMAN: It was my all my mom's fault you know.

MAN: (Confused) She dropped the ball on my foot?

WOMAN: (Ignores him) If she'd just put me in a bowling league instead of ballet.

MAN: So it's your mom's fault? Didn't you know bowling balls were heavy?

WOMAN: No one ever told me.

MAN: Well, I could have told you that.

WOMAN: (Animated) So it's YOUR fault.

MAN: My fault?

WOMAN: It might be my dad's. You know, he never did insist that Mom enroll me in the bowling academy.

MAN: Bowling academy?

WOMAN: (Suddenly worked up and agitated) It's a conspiracy - I think it all started with my weird Uncle Fuzz…

MAN: (Interrupts) Uncle Fuzz?

WOMAN: Yeah, yeah! I remember seeing him once talking to my dad in private. I'm pretty certain that he convinced my dad that bowling was for truckers, bikers, hot dog salesmen and farm implement dealers.

MAN: What?

WOMAN: And Grandma and Grandpa - I'm pretty certain they weren't too excited about the idea. (Starts becoming very emotional) If my family had just been doing their job, your pinky toe wouldn't need a cast. It's like they say - the sins of the father…(Cries) Oh and my sister, Carol, ah, don't even get me started. I never thought my family was so dysfunctional - I guess we'll have to go for counseling now. (Runs off stage)

MAN: (Looks around, shakes head in disbelief) And I would have settled for an apology.

Fade to black

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