By Benjamin J. Stephens
The phone rings and one who is trying hard to stay away from too much food finds themselves in a difficult situation when they receive a call from a rogue hamburger.
Woman
Burger (voice only)
(Phone Rings)
WOMAN: Hello.
BURGER: Guess who this is.
WOMAN: (Nervous) The Jewel Tea man?
BURGER: (Laughter) That's what I've always loved about you - great sense of humor. (Suddenly serious) Let me give you a hint - I taste good.
WOMAN: (Sweat on the upper lip) A baby carrot in low fat ranch?
BURGER: There's that humor again. No - take another guess.
WOMAN: Watercress salad with a hint of cranberries.
BURGER: Really? People eat that stuff? No I'm one of them $6.00 burgers with a few strips of bacon and three kinds of cheese. You remember me, right?
WOMAN: (Hestitant) Yeah.
BURGER: Good - what are ya doing tonight?
WOMAN: (Rubs head nervously) Celery and Evian.
BURGER: That's like eating carboard and drinking nothing.
WOMAN: Fiber and clear liquids are good for you. Look, maybe you dialed the wrong number.
BURGER: Dialed? I'm using a cell phone - shoot I don't even have to use my finger - all I have to do is say - "send me to the lady on the diet," and your number comes up.
WOMAN: Uh...
BURGER: I'll bring my friends the Fry family.
WOMAN: (Wipes mouth and looks up helplessley) "Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from burgers and fries..."
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Copyright 2005 Benjamin J. Stephens. Should you use this script would you be so kind as to let us know of its use? firstacts@writesoon.com