Bills, bills, bills
By Joanne Miller
Summary
Jo and Lisa are submerged in bills. A fairy godfather grants them a wish
for more money, but it comes at a price.
Characters
Joe
Lisa
Harry Godfather - dressed in shorts, t-shirt and ball cap with a cigar,
wrench and wings.
Script
Joe: (Using a calculator) Bills, bills, bills! I give up! No
matter how I figure it, we don’t have enough money to cover them all!
Lisa: What we need is a fairy godmother!
(Harry jumps in from a chair hidden behind the curtain.)
Harry: You called?
Lisa: (Startled) Who are you?
Harry: I’m Harry Godfather.
Joe: My fairy godfather?
Harry: Hey, watch it, Bub. The name’s Harry, Harry Godfather.
Lisa: Really? You’re a real godfather?
Harry: How many people do you know who walk around with wings? (Turns
to display wings.)
Joe: None, until now.
Harry: Ok, so what’s your wish?
Lisa: One wish? That’s all?
Harry: That’s all.
Joe: What happened to the traditional 3 wishes?
Harry: Budget cutbacks. Now, are you going to make a wish or
not?
Joe: Yes, yes. Of course, I’m going to make a wish!
Harry: Well, let’s get on with it. I’m going to the game tonight
so I don’t have much time.
Lisa: Joe, how about a new car?
Harry: What color?
Joe: No, wait. I didn’t wish yet. We’re just thinking out
loud.
Harry: Could you think a little faster, Bub?
Lisa: How about a new house?
Harry: What neighborhood?
Joe: No, no. That’s not my wish. Wait a second.
Harry: Come on, come on.
Joe: I’ve got it! I wish for my salary to be doubled.
Lisa: Yes! That’s it!
Harry: OK. All I have to do is wave my magic wrench and…
Joe: Magic wrench?
Harry: You were expecting a magic wand?
Lisa: Well, yeah!
Harry: Forget it! Now I have to say the magic word: Craftsman.
Joe: Craftsman?
Harry: Hey, Bub, do I tell you how to do your job?
Joe: Well, no…
Harry: Ok your wish is granted. Your next paycheck and every
one thereafter will be doubled.
Joe& Lisa: Great! Thank you so much.
Harry: Now for the fine print.
Joe: Fine print?
Harry: There are a couple of conditions. First of all, you cannot
call on me again for at least 5 years. Second, you and your wife
are not allowed to have any chocolate for 24 hours, starting now.
Joe: No problem. We can do that.
Lisa: No problem at all!
Harry: Great. See you around, Bub.
Joe: Thanks, Harry. (Harry exits.)
Lisa: Yes, thank you, Harry. Let’s get this candy out of sight!
(Joe gets a plastic bag and starts to dump all the chocolate from candy
dishes around the room into the bag.)
Joe: This is great! Our money troubles are over!
Lisa: I can’t believe it! It’s like a dream come true!
Joe: I’ll say! What are you going to do now?
Lisa: I’m going up to bed so tomorrow can come sooner.
Joe: Me, too. I just have to get the paper. I left it in
the car. I’ll be right up.
Lisa: OK.
(Both exit. Both attempt to sneak back in.)
Lisa: Joe!
Joe: Lisa!
Lisa: Just one little bite. He’ll never know!
Joe: Ok. Quick. (He digs into the bag and they both eat
some chocolate.) Mmm.
Lisa: Oh, it’s so good!
(Harry jumps back into the room.)
Harry: Aha! Caught in the act! I win!
Joe: Win what?
Harry: I had a side bet with Bo Peep. I bet her that you
two wouldn’t last one hour without eating some chocolate.
Lisa: How did you know we’d eat some?
Harry: Simple. Those bills?
Joe: What about the bills?
Harry: If you had any self-control you wouldn’t have all those bills.
(Lisa and Joe shrug to each other and take some more candy.)
(Lights out.)
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© Joanne Miller, all rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies
are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any
entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author
would appreciate being notified of when and for what
purpose the play is performed. She may be contacted at: joannesmiller65@gmail.com