The System

By Alastair Brown

Summary

Three people give three different perspectives on the immigration system, and the need to immigrate. The objective is to impart a sense of hopelessness in the entire system, and for the audience to wonder what the real solution is.

Characters

A Redneck. A bigot, who has Pauline Hanson as a heroine; not particularly smart, but hopefully does a reasonably convincing job of convincing at least some of us that immigration is a dumb idea. He thinks letting in immigrants and refugees is just a pinko, leftie conspiracy of air headed do-gooders, and thinks the aforementioned should all be sent to Waiouru for some Compulsory Military Training.
A Bureaucrat. Someone trying to do their job as efficiently, easily, but thoroughly as possible. Probably female, the Bureaucrat is not vindictive or obstructive towards her clients, but does require them to have everything right. Having done the job for decades, if not centuries, she has enough experience of the "the system" to know its inherent flaws, and is very willing to tell anyone who cares (and many who donít, including the audience) what the problems are.
A Refugee. We want the audience to have quite a bit of sympathy for him/her (probably him). The redneck, of course, is utterly ignorant of the dire circumstances of the refugee and wouldn't listen if you told him. The bureaucrat is fairly much ambivalent towards the refugee and has had years of experience of not letting emotion get in the way of a fair and just decision making process. He/she has just come from a war torn hell-hole, possibly Kosovo, and has lost at least one close family member. Compounding this, he/she still has trouble understanding English. Getting his/her two nieces out of his/her home country and through the bureaucracy is his/her number one objective.

Props

Desk.
Swivel chair.
Numerous coloured forms.
A big officious stamp that a immigration official might grudgingly use, if finally sick of a given immigrant.
A book that looks like it could be a "Guide to New Zealand Immigration Procedures".

Script

(We open with the Redneck in the spotlight. The Refugee is just behind and a bit to one side, with back to audience, in darkness, with five different coloured forms in hand. The Bureaucrat in sitting on swivel office chair, on the other side, with back to audience, in darkness behind a desk.)

Redneck

You know what the problem with today's society is?

(short pause for answer for rhetorical question)

(Almost surprised at lack of response and happy to give his highly 'intellectual' answer) Well, I'll tell you, immigration. For Pete's sake, why does the government let in all these bludging foreigners into our country? And when they get here all they do is take jobs off us hard working New Zealanders, and then send all their money overseas again.

I mean, it's hard enough to find a job these days without having to compete against these foreigners (or some other non-PC term of contempt) who are probably going to insist on working for fifty cents an hour. And before you know it, we're all working for fifty cents an hour.

And then what happens? New Zealand will be a (Emphasis on each of the next three words) Third World Country. It will happen alright. (Pointing finger a audience) You just mark my words.

And there's another thing. You and me, we're taxpayers right? (Almost whispering as if this is a secret) Did you know the government spends our tax money, you know the money we've earned, actually helping these people into the country. They certainly didn't get my vote to do that, I'll tell you that for nothing.

(Throwing hands into air) I mean, why don't we just disband the army and tell the rest of the world to invade us?

(Redneck retreats. Refugee to front of stage. We are trying to compare the attitudes and circumstances of the Refugee and Redneck)

Refugee

(Glad to be in NZ, starts explaining his/her predicament, with foreign accent, limited English.)

You know, my life has so many problems. But I am so happy to be in this peaceful country of yours. Not like my old country where they kill so many of my people, it was very bad.

(Thinks for a while then gets very angry)

°Estas Vidas Bajas!

(checks himself/herself, calms down slightly and continues) I am so sorry to use such bad words, but they are very bad people, murderers, criminals, the scum of the earth. I hope I do not meet any when I am your country, they make me very angry.

(A bit calmer, but no less desperate) I so hope I can get my two dear nieces back from my old country, and I hope they are going to be well until I can bring them back. It is so bad because they have very bad health and I will be unhappy if they do not get better. But my problem is that I do not know if I will be permitted to bring them into your beautiful country with me. Let us pray to God that the office will find favour in my eyes today.

(Refugee retreats. Bureaucrat sits in chair.)

Bureaucrat

(Begins general whinge about The System...)

You know what the problem with the system is? Management. They just don't listen. They hold those infernal meetings alright, and they say they want our feedback, but what happens when we tell them anything? Yes, that's right, nothing. Nothing at all.

Like, just the other day I told them we need to issue Immigration Guides to all incoming refugees, and what happened? (Sarcastic game show host tones) Yes, that's right folks, nothing. All they had to do was issue an memo to the appropriate people and it would have been fine. I would have sent the memo myself, but the last time I tried that I just about got fired.

Never mind, maybe today reason will prevail.

Next, Please!

(Enter Refugee. Although mostly at ease with audience he/she is extremely nervous when interacting with bureaucrat. His/her previously confident English also suffers under the stress.)

Bureaucrat

Please, take a seat.

Refugee

Thank you, very kindly.

Bureaucrat

(Cringes, and proceeds with slow condescending speech)

Now, have you got all the forms we asked for.

Refugee

Yes, I have very sure that the forms are all good. (hands over forms)

Bureaucrat

(Reads top of first form) Ah yes, Mr./Ms. Rodrigues...

Refugee

Yes, that is my name.

Bureaucrat

(to herself as she skim reads each form) Right, here we are, your regulation, IS1, IS2a, IS2b, IS27 and IS87. (Discovers anomaly) Hang on, this isn't right.

(to refugee, a bit too quickly for him/her) Why have you got your two nieces included on this form? They can only come into New Zealand with their Certified Caregivers.

Refugee

I am so sorry, can you please say the question again?

Bureaucrat

(to refugee, a bit too slowly for him/her) Your two nieces.

Refugee

(happy at the recollection) Ah, yes, my two nieces, Sofia and Daniela.

Bureaucrat

They can only come into New Zealand with their parents.

Refugee

(sad at the recollection) My brother and his wife, they get killed.

Bureaucrat

Oh, it's like that it is.
(short pause to work out what should happen)
OK, Did you read the Guide to New Zealand Immigration Procedures?

Refugee

(Hasn't heard of it) The Guide to New Zealand Immigration Procedures? (struggles with the last word)

Bureaucrat

Didn't you get given this? (hands over book)

Refugee

No, they no give me this.

Bureaucrat

(mutters to audience) What did I say? Won't they ever learn? How is this poor man/woman supposed to get anywhere without the guide, for crying out loud.
(to refugee) Please read this book, especially pages 89 and 119. (shows them to him/her)

Refugee

Yes.

Bureaucrat

Then fill out this 'Entry for Dependent of Non-certified Caregiver' form and bring it back to me, OK? You will also need to provide documentation to prove that your nieces are dependent on you.

Refugee

I am so sorry, can you please say the question again?

Bureaucrat

(painfully slow again) Just fill out this form and bring it back to me, OK?

Refugee

Yes, yes. I am so sorry to being trouble for you.

Bureaucrat

(friendly, colloquial and very quick) 'Snot a problem.

Refugee

(utterly bewildered at the idiomatic expression) I am so sorry, I do not...

Bureaucrat

Just go and fill out the form, OK?

Refugee

Yes, thanking you so much.

(Exit Refugee. Bureaucrat then has a whinge about her beloved management)

Bureaucrat

You see what I mean. All it would take is a simple memo, and we would all waste a whole lot less time. If only those useless idiots upstairs would start listening to the people who actually do the work around here, we'd all be better off.

You know, if I ran the show the system would run so much smoother. For a start I'd fire that snivelling weasel in the IS department.

(Bureaucrat retreats. Refugee to front of stage.)

Refugee

(panicking because of uncertainty of availability of documents, head in his/her hands)

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. What will happen if they donít let my two dear nieces into your beautiful country. And how can I get those pieces of paper they want? It is such a long way back to my old country, and I do not know how to get the Birth Certificates for my nieces and my brother. Oh my goodness, it is so difficult and hard.

(Slightly more optimistic) You will pray to God for me, yes? So then I can come and live in your peaceful country with my two nieces, and then we can all be very happy.

You know all my troubles would never have happened if were not for those terrible people bad in my old country. If I were El Presidenté (or culturally appropriate 'boss' word for Refugee) this would not ever have happened...

(Refugee retreats. Redneck to front of stage.)

Redneck

Just look at it, what a flaming mess, eh?

You know, if I ran the show...

(Spotlight fade on Redneck as he continues his verbal diahorrea.)

© 1999, Alastair Brown.
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed.
He may be contacted at: freddie@clear.net.nz

(We open with the Redneck in the spotlight. The Refugee is just behind and a bit to one side, with back to audience, in darkness, with five different coloured forms in hand. The Bureaucrat in sitting on swivel office chair, on the other side, with back to audience, in darkness behind a desk.)
Redneck	You know what the problem with today's society is? (short pause for answer for rhetorical question) (Almost surprised at lack of response and happy to give his highly 'intellectual' answer) Well, I'll tell you, immigration. For Pete's sake, why does the government let in all these bludging foreigners into our country? And when they get here all they do is take jobs off us hard working New Zealanders, and then send all their money overseas again. I mean, it's hard enough to find a job these days without having to compete against these foreigners (or some other non-PC term of contempt) who are probably going to insist on working for fifty cents an hour. And before you know it, we're all working for fifty cents an hour. And then what happens? New Zealand will be a (Emphasis on each of the next three words) Third World Country. It will happen alright. (Pointing finger a audience) You just mark my words. And there's another thing. You and me, we're taxpayers right? (Almost whispering as if this is a secret) Did you know the government spends our tax money, you know the money we've earned, actually helping these people into the country. They certainly didn't get my vote to do that, I'll tell you that for nothing. (Throwing hands into air) I mean, why don't we just disband the army and tell the rest of the world to invade us?
(Redneck retreats. Refugee to front of stage. We are trying to compare the attitudes and circumstances of the Refugee and Redneck)
Refugee	(Glad to be in NZ, starts explaining his/her predicament, with foreign accent, limited English.) You know, my life has so many problems. But I am so happy to be in this peaceful country of yours. Not like my old country where they kill so many of my people, it was very bad. (Thinks for a while then gets very angry) °Estas Vidas Bajas! (checks himself/herself, calms down slightly and continues) I am so sorry to use such bad words, but they are very bad people, murderers, criminals, the scum of the earth. I hope I do not meet any when I am your country, they make me very angry. (A bit calmer, but no less desperate) I so hope I can get my two dear nieces back from my old country, and I hope they are going to be well until I can bring them back. It is so bad because they have very bad health and I will be unhappy if they do not get better. But my problem is that I do not know if I will be permitted to bring them into your beautiful country with me. Let us pray to God that the office will find favour in my eyes today.
(Refugee retreats. Bureaucrat sits in chair.)
Bureaucrat	(Begins general whinge about The System...) You know what the problem with the system is? Management. They just don't listen. They hold those infernal meetings alright, and they say they want our feedback, but what happens when we tell them anything? Yes, that's right, nothing. Nothing at all. Like, just the other day I told them we need to issue Immigration Guides to all incoming refugees, and what happened? (Sarcastic game show host tones) Yes, that's right folks, nothing. All they had to do was issue an memo to the appropriate people and it would have been fine. I would have sent the memo myself, but the last time I tried that I just about got fired. Never mind, maybe today reason will prevail. Next, Please!
(Enter Refugee. Although mostly at ease with audience he/she is extremely nervous when interacting with bureaucrat. His/her previously confident English also suffers under the stress.)
Bureaucrat	Please, take a seat.
Refugee	Thank you, very kindly.
Bureaucrat	(Cringes, and proceeds with slow condescending speech) Now, have you got all the forms we asked for.
Refugee	Yes, I have very sure that the forms are all good. (hands over forms)
Bureaucrat	(Reads top of first form) Ah yes, Mr./Ms. Rodrigues...
Refugee	Yes, that is my name.
Bureaucrat	(to herself as she skim reads each form) Right, here we are, your regulation, IS1, IS2a, IS2b, IS27 and IS87. (Discovers anomaly) Hang on, this isn't right. (to refugee, a bit too quickly for him/her) Why have you got your two nieces included on this form? They can only come into New Zealand with their Certified Caregivers.
Refugee	I am so sorry, can you please say the question again?
Bureaucrat	(to refugee, a bit too slowly for him/her) Your two nieces.
Refugee	(happy at the recollection) Ah, yes, my two nieces, Sofia and Daniela.
Bureaucrat	They can only come into New Zealand with their parents.
Refugee	(sad at the recollection) My brother and his wife, they get killed.
Bureaucrat	Oh, it's like that it is. (short pause to work out what should happen) OK, Did you read the Guide to New Zealand Immigration Procedures?
Refugee	(Hasn't heard of it) The Guide to New Zealand Immigration Procedures? (struggles with the last word)
Bureaucrat	Didn't you get given this? (hands over book)
Refugee	No, they no give me this.
Bureaucrat	(mutters to audience) What did I say? Won't they ever learn? How is this poor man/woman supposed to get anywhere without the guide, for crying out loud. (to refugee) Please read this book, especially pages 89 and 119. (shows them to him/her)
Refugee	Yes.
Bureaucrat	Then fill out this 'Entry for Dependent of Non-certified Caregiver' form and bring it back to me, OK? You will also need to provide documentation to prove that your nieces are dependent on you.
Refugee	I am so sorry, can you please say the question again?
Bureaucrat	(painfully slow again) Just fill out this form and bring it back to me, OK?
Refugee	Yes, yes. I am so sorry to being trouble for you.
Bureaucrat	(friendly, colloquial and very quick) 'Snot a problem.
Refugee	(utterly bewildered at the idiomatic expression) I am so sorry, I do not...
Bureaucrat	Just go and fill out the form, OK?
Refugee	Yes, thanking you so much.
(Exit Refugee. Bureaucrat then has a whinge about her beloved management)
Bureaucrat	You see what I mean. All it would take is a simple memo, and we would all waste a whole lot less time. If only those useless idiots upstairs would start listening to the people who actually do the work around here, we'd all be better off. You know, if I ran the show the system would run so much smoother. For a start I'd fire that snivelling weasel in the IS department.
(Bureaucrat retreats. Refugee to front of stage.)
Refugee	(panicking because of uncertainty of availability of documents, head in his/her hands) Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. What will happen if they donít let my two dear nieces into your beautiful country. And how can I get those pieces of paper they want? It is such a long way back to my old country, and I do not know how to get the Birth Certificates for my nieces and my brother. Oh my goodness, it is so difficult and hard. (Slightly more optimistic) You will pray to God for me, yes? So then I can come and live in your peaceful country with my two nieces, and then we can all be very happy. You know all my troubles would never have happened if were not for those terrible people bad in my old country. If I were El Presidenté (or culturally appropriate 'boss' word for Refugee) this would not ever have happened...
(Refugee retreats. Redneck to front of stage.)
Redneck	Just look at it, what a flaming mess, eh? You know, if I ran the show... (Spotlight fade on Redneck as he continues his verbal diahorrea.)