MATES - Episode Two

The one with Simon the Superhero

Summary

Mates is a series of sketches that regularly appear in the MIX services at Preston Road Church (Yeovil, Somerset, England). They are a spin off from the popular sitcom, FRIENDS. While not directly Christian based, they are designed to tackle moral issues that are related to Christianity. I aim to make them light hearted and relatively easy to perform. If you use them, please feel free to change character names or parts of the script according to your needs.

In this, episode of Mates, Lucy-Ann and Tom realize that they do not need to be superheroes or super-powers to be happy and content.

Characters

Voice over (Can be pre-recorded if necessary)
Tom - A Regular Flatmate.
Sarah - A Regular Flatmate.
Lucy-Ann - A Regular Flatmate. 
Peter the Pianist
Chris the Clown
Simon the Superhero

Props

Modern looking laptop computer
Piano / Keyboard
3 Knives and 3 forks
2CDs, one with a large square cut out of it
Superhero costumes

Script

Voice Over: Last time on Mates: Tom (Tom walks onto the stage) found two new flat mates, Lucy-Ann (Lucy-Ann walks on stage) and Sarah (Sarah walks on stage). After the unfortunate decomposition of Tom's crummy old laptop, the flat mates went to PC world and brought themselves a brilliant new one. We join them now as they use it to try and find some entertainment for their flat warming party.

Lucy Ann: Right then, that's sorted. Our guests will arrive at 6.30, prompt ... 

Tom: Not forgetting to bring some chocolate for the host and hostesses.

Lucy Ann: ... Not forgetting to bring some chocolate for the host and hostesses. At 6.45, we'll start to eat and then, afterwards, we could play a couple of games. Then what? 

Sarah: I reckon that we'd need to get someone in then, to provide us with a bit of entertainment.

Tom: How do you mean? 

Sarah: Well, we could get a comedian, a rock band, or maybe, we could get <member of congregation> in to give us a talk on <their hobby>!

Tom: That all sounds okay, but couldn't we find something absolutely out of this world, something that will totally stun our guests. Hey, give me the computer, Lucy-Ann and then I'll search the internet. (Gets Laptop) I'll search for (types) Amazing entertainment that is out of this world and suitable for a flat warming party. GO! 

(Computer Noises)

Lucy-Ann: It says that there are three people on the internet who claim to provide "amazing entertainment that is out of this world and suitable for a flat warming party". Let's check out the websites of all three. That will help us decide who to choose. 

Sarah: The first one is Peter the Pianist. On his website, he describes himself as an absolutely awesome pianist. Oh wow! This computer has the latest feature on it.

Tom: What feature is that? 

Sarah: Well, it's like Windows '98 or Windows XP, but this version is called Doors 2006!

Tom: But what does it do? 

Sarah: It says to click on the pink triangle and then, out of that door (points to main door), additional help will appear. In this case, Doors 2006 will give us a live preview of Peter the Pianist!

Lucy-Ann: Press it then! 

Sarah: O.K.

(Whizzy Noise as Peter appears) 

Peter: I'm Peter the Pianist and I'll make your day
By coming to your flat-warming party and the piano I'll play.
I've just passed grade 8,
I'm amazingly great.
You won't believe it, you know,
When you see me play the piano!

(Peter plays Congratulations by Cliff Richard)

Flat mates: Wow! / That was amazing! / Congratulations / etcetera.

Peter: Of course it was. I was playing it! Now would you like to book me?

Flat mates: Of course we woul...

 (Music starts playing again but Peter is standing up. He runs to his piano.)

 Peter: (With guilt written all over his face) Look. I can even play hands-free. I'm not miming or anything!

 Flat mates: Yes you are. Now get out of it. We don't want to watch a miming pianist at a party.

 Lucy-Ann: I'll look up the second choice. This is the website of Chris the Comic. His website says that he is a "completely class comic".

Tom: He's got one of those new pink Doors 2006 triangles, too.

Lucy-Ann: Shall I press it?

Sarah: Go on!

(Lucy Ann Presses the triangle)

(Wizzy Noise)

Chris: (Appears and speaks deadpan)
I'm Chris the Comic -
And I'll make you laugh.
I'll tell you a brilliant joke,
About a giraffe.

(Still really deadpan) The joke is "Why do giraffes have long necks" and the answer is "because that's how they were born". Now, now, now, don't get carried away with laughter!

Flat mates: Was that funny?

Chris: (Still deadpan) Yes.

Flat mates:  I'm afraid that you aren't really what we want.

Chris: (Still deadpan) What a pity. I shall leave.

Flat mates: Bye! (Chris Leaves)

Tom: Oh dear. Now there's only one option left called Simon the Superhero.

Lucy-Ann: Does he have a pink Doors 2006 triangle?

Tom: Yes.

Sarah: Well, Press it then!

(Tom presses the pink triangle and Simon runs from main door to vestry door and does something amazing.)

Lucy Ann: Wow! That was amazing!

Sarah: Press it again, Tom! (Tom presses the pink triangle. Simon runs in and down aisle, then on to stage.)

Tom: Who are you?

Simon:  I'm Simon. I'm a super hero!

Sarah: What entertainment can you show us?

Simon: Because I am incredible, I can demonstrate my amazing abilities.

Tom: What are your amazing abilities?

Simon: I can do this! (He does something amazing with his head.)

Lucy-Ann: No!

Simon: Yes. (To Tom) Do you have a knife and fork built into your hands? (Demonstrates that he does).

Tom: No, but that would be very useful.

Simon: (To Lucy Ann) Can you fly?

Lucy Ann: No ... But I can ride a bike!

Simon: Useless. You need to learn to fly!

Tom: Well I think that we'll certainly have you as entertainment for our party. Agreed?

Lucy-Ann: Agreed!

Tom: I'd love to be like you! Hey, Simon, could you teach me how to become a super hero?

Simon: Certainly.

Lucy Ann: What about me?

Simon:  Yes. You too, come with me.

Sarah: But Tom, Lucy Ann! Why do you want to become superheroes?

Lucy-Ann: Well, All I can do is to ride a bike. I want to be better. I want to be able to fly, to (Ad lib - Tom, add in some skills too).

Sarah: And what if you change your minds?

Simon: I will give you this (holds up a C.D.) If at anytime you want to go back to being a human, you load this CDinto your computer and BANG!  Bob's your uncle! I'm sure you won't need the CD anyway.

Tom: So am I! This will be brilliant!

Simon: Hurry up or we'll be late for superhero school!

Tom: We're coming!

Lucy-Ann: When we come back, we'll be superheroes. We'll be great!

(They all leave apart from Sarah)

Sarah:  I think that those two are daft. They should realize that they don't need to be superheroes to be great. They're fine as they are! Now they've gone, I suppose I'll need to go off and get the food ready for the party on my own. (Sarah exits through internal exit).

(Boom Bam Boom sound)

Voice Over: What will Tom and Lucy-Ann be like as superheroes?
Will they feel that they are better than they were previously?
Or will they come to agree with Sarah that they don't need to be Super Heroes to be great?
Find out in part two of today's MATES!

 (Closing Theme)

PART TWO

(Opening Theme)

Voice Over: Earlier, on Mates: Lucy-Ann and Tom left with Simon the Superhero, to be transformed into superheroes. But will they like it or will they just want to be transformed back again? We join Superhero Tom and Superhero Luce who have just flown back to their flat to meet Sarah. (They enter, dressed as superheroes.)

Sarah: Oh, There you are! (Disapprovingly) I see you're superheroes, now.

Lucy-Ann: That's right!

Tom: Now, we can fly, teleport ourselves, zoom around the world, single handedly put up the marquee at BB camp and we're even allowed to wear our underpants over our trousers!

Sarah: If you're that good, I'm hoping that you can get the flat tidy for the party. Being superheroes, I'm sure that you can do it in a jif! Talking of which, I have some 'Jif' for you to clean the toilet with, in the bathroom!

Tom: Why do we need to clean the toilet? We're super heroes!

Sarah: Because I've done all the other jobs for you. I've prepared the food, cleaned up after you, washed Tom's socks and done 101 other jobs whilst you've been dressing up in tights, putting on makeup and wearing your underwear incorrectly!

Lucy-Ann: (Grudgingly) Come on then Tom.

Sarah: Of course, you could use your superhero powers to clean the toilet.

Tom: We're not that good. Come on Lucy-Ann. (They exit through internal exit but can be heard off stage). Right then, Luce, give me the Jif. Oh no! How can we clean toilets with knives and forks on our hands!

Lucy-Ann: I'm not eating with them now!

Sarah: I said it was a daft idea but they wouldn't listen.

(Knock at door.)

Lucy-Ann and Tom: (Answer door) Hello.

Postman: (In a depressed tone of voice) Hello. I am your postman. I noticed you two superheroes fly in and I was wondering if you could help me with my van. It doesn't work. Please use your superhero powers to fix it.

Tom: But we're superheroes, surely you think of us much too highly to go out in the rain and mend a van!

Postman: No. I don't. I think that you should use your powers to stop the rain.

Voice over: Over the next five hours, word spread that there were superheroes living in the flat. Lucy Ann and Tom had been asked by the neighbors to use their super-powers to help out with so many uninspirational tasks. From cleaning, to cooking and from fixing things to making Bristol City win a game of football.

Sarah: Come on! No-body could make that happen! (Sarah Exits)

Voice Over: Now, Lucy-Ann and Tom had become bored of being Superheroes.

Lucy-Ann: I'm tired! I don't like this.

Tom: I've realised that I'm already lucky to have what I have. I'm able to play piano and violin, I can build multi-award winning websites, I can write scripts,

Lucy-Ann: You can clean toilets with a knife and fork stuck on your hands.

Tom: (Really enthusiastically) Yes! ... (Jeffery Fairbrother style) Oh ... Yes.

Lucy-Ann: And I can dance, cook, practice first aid, look after electronic babies and act blonde without being a super hero!

Sarah: See, I told you that you didn't need to be superheroes to be able to be happy. Just because you can't fly and you'd probably get arrested if you started getting changed in a public telephone box doesn't mean that you don't have skills. I think you should put the reversal C.D. that Superhero Simon gave to you into the computer, Tom. That will make you back to your normal selves.

Lucy-Ann: I think that's a good idea, Tom,

Tom: (Stammering) So do I, but, there's a problem.

Sarah & Lucy-Ann: What?

Tom: Well you know that the postman's van broke down?

Sarah & Lucy-Ann: Yes.

Tom: And you know that we had to repair his rear view mirror with something shiny?

Sarah & Lucy-Ann: Yes.

Tom: Well, I cut a whole chunk out of the C.D. I didn't think that we'd need it. (Holds up broken C.D.)

Lucy-Ann: WHAT! That means that I'll be stuck like this for the rest for my life!

Tom: Well, (splutters a lot to make comic timing) Yes.

Lucy-Ann: (Infuriated) TOM!!!!

.........................................................................................................

© Tom Bullock (et al).
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged, unless if the money goes to a charity or good cause.
In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the script is performed. He will send you the sound files that are used in this episode of Mates for free, by e mail.
The author may be contacted at: tom_david_bullock@yahoo.co.uk.