By Andre Harden
A guest on a TV chat show can't get a word in edgeways.
Gabby Maven (Tv show host)
Richard Steel (guest)
(Strident tuba plays. Gabby and Richard sit together in comfy chairs. They are on set of a television show.)
GABBY
Hi! Welcome to the Gabby Maven Show;
I'm Gabby Maven and thanks so much
for joining us - you are going to be
so glad you did because today's show
is just great. We have with us my
favorite author, self-help guru,
Richard Steel. Richard.
(She applauds and waves for the audience to join in.)
RICHARD
Thank--
GABBY
You really are my favorite. I read
your books and I love them. I just
love them.
(to audience)
Don't you all just love his books?
I have every one. A row on my shelf
of Richard Steel books; all ten, all
hardcover. I can't wait for the
softcover. You write a book and I'm
at the store. But, let's hear about
you ... a new book ... you've moved
to the country .. what's life been
like?
RICHARD
Well --
GABBY
And don't leave anything out. I
couldn't stand it if you left
something out. We want to hear
everything. All of it!
RICHARD
Well--
GABBY
I just have to say, it's so exciting
to talk to you, Richard. I can't
believe you're here. You know I'm
writing a book? Not as good as yours,
but yeah, I'm writing a book too.
You inspired me. Isn't he an
inspiration? I just had to share
that. I knew you'd want to know.
So you're writing and living in the
country? Isn't the country great?
I'd love to live in the country. I
love the quiet. Is it quiet where
you are?
RICHARD
It's--
GABBY
I have a townhouse, but there's a
common wall. Mostly it's quiet, but
when there's a party next door, it's
no secret. They're loud. Really
loud. But that's okay. I just turn
up the stereo and push the speakers
to the walls. I get by. It's not
that bad. My neighbors are great
people. I love them dearly. But
that's the city, I think that's just
something about the city, wouldn't
you say that's a city sort of thing?
But Rick - oh, can I call you Rick? -
I just called you Rick. But I feel
so much like I know you! You know
your books have helped me?
(to audience)
Isn't he great!? Isn't he fabulous!?
(to Richard)
You know my grandparents lived in
the country and I have such fond
memories of there. But let's hear
about you, you must be full of
stories? Tell us are you on a farm?
Do you have animals? Pets?
RICHARD
I'm --
GABBY
I have a cat named Mushu! I used to
have a dog named Larry, but I had to
put him to sleep. Everybody always
used to say "Why did you name your
dog, Larry?" and I was like "I don't
know. He looks like a Larry." So
that's why I named the cat Mushu,
but you know people still ask, "Why
did you name your cat Mushu" and I
say it's just a name! Don't you
think declawing is cruel?
RICHARD
Ah --
GABBY
It's cruel. My Mushu has her claws
and she's all right. Cats are cats
and I just love them. But enough
about me. Richard Steel is with us
and it's sooo great to have you here.
Your book, Listening with Your Heart --
(to audience)
Isn't that beautiful? I loved your
book. Can you tell us a bit about
it?
RICHARD
I'd be--
GABBY
It's sooo good. I read it right
through and you know that's an
accomplishment. And it's not that
I'm disinterested in reading, but
seriously sometimes reading can give
me bit of a headache, especially if
I read in the car. But I didn't
read your book in the car .. I just
snuggled up in my favorite chair;
it's a big old comfy bean bag that I
actually found at my sister's garage
sale. I didn't know she had it until
I'm helping her with the garage sale
and she's like, What do you think of
this chair? And I'm like, It's a
chair? And so I tried it out and
well, I had to borrow their van just
to get the chair to my place and
even so we had trouble squeezing it
through the doorway. But let's hear
about you; you were talking about
your book.
RICHARD
Yes--
GABBY
You know you have a very pleasant
demeanor?
(to audience)
Isn't he pleasant? Isn't he? Really
you are. People say the same to me,
but it's not natural. I'm constantly
working - but you're a natural. You
are. I wish I was a natural. I
mean I'm naturally drawn to people
but that's different and that's just
me. I've always been that way, ever
since I was a kid. From this high,
drawn to people. The thing is, I
care. I really, really care. But
let's hear about you, Richard, tell
us about your book.
RICHARD
Yeah, I'd like --
GABBY
Oh, I'm getting the wave and I can't
believe we're out of time. Richard,
I absolutely adored having you here.
Thank you so much for coming. It
was a pleasure and a treat for us
just to see you. Your book is an
inspiration, thanks for sharing all
about it. I loved it when I read
and I think I love it twice as much
now. I think I'm going to go home,
curl up on my favorite chair with
Mushu and read it again. But enough
about me, I'll see you all tomorrow!
(Strident tuba plays.)
......................................................................................
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