Exercise

By Andy Lund

Summary

Being a fitness freak is one thing - but where does it lead to?

Characters

The sketch can be performed with two male actors and a voice offstage. Of course more can act but the greater the number the harder the co-ordination. This sketch has been performed many times successfully as street theatre. The stage directions are only suggestions and can be varied according to wishes and fitness of actors! The idea is that actors slow down during the course of the sketch - especially after the 4th section.

Script

Both: (Performing star jumps and chanting rhythmically ) Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

1: I'm young and fit;

2: I'm quite a hit

1: No time to sit;

2: I've got my kit;

Both: We've got true grit. (Flexing muscles)

Both: (Jogging on spot) Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

1: Big posh car. I'll go far;

2: Stop by the kerb, pick up a bird;

1: I'm at my peak;

2: They admire my physique. (appropriate mime)

Both: We're not weak.

Both: (Trunk twists) Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

1: Married now;

2: With kith and kin;

1: Never row;

2: Never in.

Voice: What about God now?

2: Sorry, far too many responsibilities;

1: He'll have to wait.

Both: We've still got to keep fit (Run in circle)

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Both: (Touching toes)

(Tone significantly slower and sadder)

1: Kids are gone;

2: Wife has gone;

1: All alone;

2: On our own

Voice: What about God, now?

1: What good's he ever been?

2: No, we've still got to keep fit ...

Both: (With noticeably greater effort) Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

(Holding back and stooping with imaginary walking stick)

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

(Miming zimmer frame)

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Exercise, exercise, every morning exercise, if, 2, 3, you want to keep fit.

Voice: What about God?

Both: (Drop to position miming sitting in wheelchair) Exercise, exercise, every morning .... (Collapse forward and die)

Voice: Remember your creator in the days of your youth before those dreadful days come when you say "I don't enjoy life."

© Andy Lund 1999
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: andrew.lund@ntlworld.com