Hiker 2: Don’t worry we’re almost at the end.
Hiker 1: How much longer do you figure we have to go?
Hiker 2: Probably only 30 to 45 minutes.
Hiker 1: Do you think we could take a break right now? I’m famished.
Hiker 2: Sure. Good idea.
Hiker 1: Let’s see what we have left in here. (Pulls off backpack) There’s a banana, a baggie of pretzels, a bottle of water, and half a sandwich. What have you got?
Hiker 2: I’ve got an apple, a bottle and a half of water, and some raisins.
Hiker 1: Maybe we’d better eat just a little and drink just a little for now.
Hiker 2: (Suddenly alarmed) Why? I thought you said we’re only a little way from Jackson Crossing.
Hiker 1: We are, we are. But when we get there they have a great restaurant where I thought we could have a big dinner.
Hiker 2: Oh, all right. I guess I’ll just eat my apple then and have some of my water.
Hiker 1: Don’t drink too much.
Hiker 2: (Wary again) Why not?
Hiker 1: Because we’re not stopping at any McDonald’s until we reach
Jackson Crossing. (Laughs)
Hiker 2: Very funny.
Hiker 1: Seriously, though, don’t drink too much. You may get cramps after all this walking.
Hiker 2: Are we lost?
Hiker 1: No. Definitely not. I told you I’ve hiked this trail many times before. As a matter of fact I even know a shortcut. Let’s pack up again and I’ll show you.
Hiker 2: O.K. I’ll just eat my apple on the way.
Hiker 1: Sure. Over this way for the shortcut. Not only is this shorter but the view is spectacular. (Stops so suddenly that Hiker 2 runs right into him)
Hiker 2: Hey, put your signal on when you’re going to stop so fast, will ya?
Hiker 1: (Stares down in horror) Step back nice and easy, my toes are hanging over the edge of a sheer cliff.
Hiker 2: O.K., I’m stepping back very carefully.
Hiker 1: (steps carefully back and sits down, shaking) Boy, that was a close call. One more step and I’d have been over the .
Hiker 2: (sits down too) Be honest with me. You have no idea where we are, do you?
Hiker 1: No.
Hiker 2: How long have we been wandering around completely lost out here?
Hiker 1: Probably for the past 3 hours.
Hiker 2: Three hours???
Hiker 1: Hey, I’m sorry. I thought I knew this trail like the back of my hand.
Hiker 2: I can’t believe you didn’t tell me when you knew we were lost!
Hiker 1: I didn’t want to scare you.
Hiker 2: Well I’m plenty scared now! We haven’t seen even a hint of civilization for about 4 hours. As a matter of fact, I think we’ve been going around in circles. That tree looks awful familiar.
Hiker 1: That’s brilliant. What makes one maple tree look any different from any other maple tree, except for size?
Hiker 2: OK., so maybe we haven’t been going in circles, but even so we’re still very lost, aren’t we?
Hiker 1: That depends.
Hiker 2: On what?
Hiker 1: On what you mean by “very lost”?
Hiker 2: Very funny. Listen, get your compass out. At least that way we’ll know we’re going in one direction as we walk.
Hiker 1: I didn’t bring my compass.
Hiker 2: You have got to be kidding!
Hiker 1: I’ve been over this trail so many times I thought I didn’t need it because I (Hiker 2 finishes this sentence with Hiker 1) know it like the back of my hand.
Hiker 2: Well, what do you suggest we do now?
Hiker 1: Let’s see if we can find a creek to follow. I thought I heard some water running a few minutes ago. That’s what I’ve been trying to find. Maybe if we go back a short way and we both listen we’ll be able to find it.
Hiker 2: I don’t know how I let you talk me into this today! What a way to spend your day off!
Hiker 1: Listen. I think I hear something.
(Hiker 3 enters.)
Hiker 3: Oh, hi. Nice to see a couple of fellow nature enthusiasts. Have you two been out here very long?
Hiker 2: (Sarcastically) Only for the last seven hours or so.
Hiker 3: Wow. You must be in pretty good shape, if you hike that much. I’ve only just begun hiking so I’m not ready for trips like that yet.
Hiker 2: Actually, we didn’t intend to be out here that long.
Hiker 1: (Trying to save face) We just got caught up in all the beauty along the way.
Hiker 2: Yeah, something like that.
Hiker 3: Well, I have to be going. Gotta keep moving, don’t want to cramp up. Nice talking to you.
Hiker 2: Hey, wait a minute. We kind of got turned around out here. Can you tell us how to get back to civilization?
Hiker 3: Sure. You just follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City. (Hikers 1 & 2 stare after Hiker 3 as she skips off stage singing “We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz)
Hiker 2: (Turning to Hiker 1) We’re in real trouble here, aren’t we?
Hiker 1: You said it, pal.
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Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
This script may be performed free of charge, provided no charge is
made for entrance or for programmes. In return, the
authors would like to be notified of any performance. For further information
regarding performance rights, they may be
contacted at: NIJWMiller@aol.com.